I will take the time to share my story of the Cleveland, TN DMV because, y'all, it's a doozy. My husband needed an application. A simple Tennessee form that is not available online. So, since I work Tuesdays not 10 minutes from the Cleveland DMV, he asked me to swing by and pick up this application. You know, because it would be QUICK and SIMPLE and CONVENIENT.
Yea, you already know where this is going. Indulge me and forgive my optimism for something going right when all odds are against that.
I arrived at the DMV around 12:30. Yes, I know that lunch time is the worst time to go to the DMV, but I only needed an application and so the time I went didn't matter. I got the 5 kids from the car, briefly thought about grabbing my Ergo baby carrier but then told myself (and the kids), "This will only take a second."
When I walked in the doors, there was a line that snaked around twice, but I only needed an application so that didn't deter me. I scanned the room for the needed info area, the one I knew they would have of nicely organized forms for people like me with no questions. I only needed an application. I could see none so I asked one of the people in line if there was a table of forms and he said, "This is the line for that." I looked again. The line snaked around twice, remember. But then, I looked at my kids. There were angel halos above them. We could do this. The baby was asleep on my shoulder, the oldest son and daughter were seated in the waiting room, the REH and BKH were with me.
We could wait for the form. Because I was in town and it was convenient for me to get one today.
After about 45 minutes, my children were still doing super. They had found some other kids to play with and they were doing so quietly. Then, my 3 year old came to me and, loud enough for the 15 closest people to hear said, "I need to poop." So I stood there for a few moments considering what I should do. I have a baby asleep on my shoulder who would certainly wake up if I go to the bathroom. That was really my biggest concern. My 3 year old is very dependent, so I asked my 6 year old to take her. She wouldn't need any help she just didn't want to be alone. The 6 year old hesitated. The man in front of me offered to hold my baby. ("Yes, Man-who-I-don't-know-from-Adam, I will trust you with my youngest child while I LEAVE THE ROOM." He might have been someone with a heart of gold, but I was not going to leave one of my children in his care!) I finally convinced the children to go to the bathroom together.
In the meantime, the baby woke up anyway.
He woke up in a fairly happy disposition so it turned out to not be that big of a deal. He got down and played in the fairly empty waiting room (we were all waiting in line!). Then the 3 year old came to me and wanted to be held. We had now been in line for an hour+. She fell asleep within 5 minutes of me holding her. I knew this would make the rest of the time more difficult, but I decided to persevere. I couldn't leave now after waiting this long. There were only 8-10 people in front of me. Then, the man in front of me went forward. It was his turn! We had waited for 1 hour and 30 minutes and we were next! The kids had done so well. I was standing there deciding how I could thank them for doing such a great job. They had waited for me at lunch time into nap time without anything more than a, "Why is this taking so long Mom?" (Good question honey.)
Then I was next.
Next.
Another employee from a back room came to the information desk lady and said something and all I could make out of it was that someone was looking really nervous and had been waiting a while. (Um...really. We all had been thankyouverymuch.) Get this picture in your mind. I was in the front of the line. My kids were no longer playing. The three big kids were sitting beside me against the wall trying to stay awake and complaining a little about their empty bellies. I am holding a sleeping 3 year old. The 1 year old has gotten tired of playing and wants to be held. I pull my 8 year old over and tell him, "I will pay you whatever you ask. Just, please help me with the baby." "Really, anything?" "Yes. Anything." "Can I have a kid's meal after this?" "YES! JUST HELP ME WITH THE BABY!!" He lights up and tries to engage the baby in a rousing game of chase. I do realize how well I got off with him only requesting a kid's meal after I offer him anything. The baby, though, is untouched. He could care less that his big brother has suddenly taken a more serious interest in playing and just wants me to hold him. Now. So I hold him on one hip and BKH, the three year old, on the other. So this is how I am standing when the info desk lady gets up from her post with me next in line to go do a driver's test.
I stand there as patiently as possible waiting for someone to come to the desk to relieve me and fill in for her. There are at least 3 other people back there doing other things but none of them are with a customer/tax payer.
No one comes.
I eventually have to put down the now-awake 3 year old and alternate holding the 2 babies because I just can't hold them both anymore. This goes on for 20 minutes or so. Then, the lady gets back and the new driver, who passed her road test but I could care less at this point, is told "$17.50". The teen says, "Oh, I have to go get that from my Mom." She then LEAVES THE DESK TO GO FIND HER MOM. I, still pretty dumb founded with how this is all going down, say as politely as I can muster in my current condition, "Mam, I only need a form, can you please give it to me?" She doesn't even look at me. At this point, I am holding baby and 3 year old is writhing in the floor. I trade children and 3 year old is quiet and now baby is upset. The nice lady behind me begins playing peek-a-boo with him eventually.
Finally, the lady says to me, "How can I help you?"
Well, if you really want to know...
You can start by having a table set up just for people like me that only need a form.
Next, you can have some form of number system so that no one has to stand in line this long but can sit down and wait to be called.
You can go on with having these people behind the desk that did not help me when you left being able to fill in for you when you get up.
Finally, you can not leave the desk when the next person in line is obviously having a hard time with her tired and hungry babies and all she needs is AN APPLICATION.
"I just need an application to renew a gun permit."
"OK, fill it out with only black ink...[etc.etc.etc. stuff she doesn't need to say because it is written on the form...]. Will you be filling it out here?"
"No. I just needed to pick up the form."
Five seconds of her time for 2 hours and 15 minutes of mine.
On Facebook, I posted that I had seen and now believe in purgatory. My husband and others asked me why in the world I waited so long. Really, the first hour wasn't bad thanks to my kids and the people around me that told me they didn't mind them running around them. Then after that, I had waited so long I just couldn't bring myself to leave.
Moral of my story?
Never second guess yourself when considering whether or not to take the baby carrier [I have an Ergo] for a "quick" jaunt into the bowels of Hades.
Don't assume anything will ever be easy at the DMV.
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