A FB Note by the Hubby

[This one is not by me but my husband.  I could just go to his FB to read it...but I wanted to add it here too.]

A friend posted a status update about her daughter and it inspired me...

by [CalvinistKickboxer] on Tuesday, December 7, 2010 at 10:22pm ·

Raising little men and little ladies has some extraordinary joys and challenges.  Every new phase has a peculiarity that just flavors all of life for the rest of the house.  When you're stabling a couple little fillies with some lil stallions, cooperative play is dodgy- it is a delicate balance never easily struck.  But, we make our own peace.

So, we are here in the superhero/supervillain, special ops, ninja, princess, baby doll compound.  Those are big gaps to bridge.  But, each child makes a concession and things reach some level of sanity and stability.  Here's how it all comes together.

Right now, Lil S 3 yrold is learning to accomodate "boy play." B 2yrold is getting the drift of it too though it is of little concern to her.  Side note here for all you aspiring parents.  Boys are simple to please when it comes down to it- you beat them up, chase them around, a couple crass bodily function jokes (when mom's not around) and give them a treat.  That done, you've accomplished everything needed for the average day.  This one is particularly easy for me being of the male persuasion.  I'm 34 years in practice among my own upbringing, a passel of nephews and now my own sons.  But, we have a couple little lasses that we have to accommodate.  So far, so good- if we tame it back a little bit.  B has limited, selective interaction on our combat scenarios and rough housing, whereas Sarah feels the need to be included regularly.  In one case, we were play fighting and she was wailing on the boys and finally one very playfully hit back. She ran to Audrey and complained, "hey, he hit me!"  Rulebook got rewritten in a blue-eyed tear streaming rave.  Now with her, we have to do "girl fighting"- ie. we can't hit her and have to let her win.  It is that difficulty that puts the crimp in the boys 'good time'- they complain that she often doesn't get it or she slows the action.  They have a valid claim.  Once she joined in a game of superheroes as "Superman Girl."  Yep.  Imagine the difficultly I had explaining how it was ok for the boys to take off their shirt to "transform" into the Hulk and NOT ok when she "transformed" into She-Hulk.  Just tonight while playing the "Dukes of Hazzard," my sons "Bo and Luke" were giving me (Uncle Jesse) directions on how to beat "Rosco" (my wife) home who was driving our second car from the auto mechanic.  After entertaining everything from to cutting her off, leaving her behind by causing her to get stuck in traffic at a redlight, to just outperforming her with my driving prowess, "Daisy" set out a stern corrective- "No!  We WON'T hurt mommy's feelings.  You're not being nice!"

I figured out just how much of a student of boy stuff she was once when she saw me watching a video of Mixed Martial Arts (pretty grizzly sport combining boxing + kickboxing + wrestling in which the contestants are, logically, heathenish looking brutes)- in this particular match though, the combatants were pretty clean cut, straight laced looking athletes. She commented, "daddy, they can't be fighters- they don't have any tatoos."  Keen observation, well done.  It was around this time that she told me how she would get a tattoo someday too.  I did it to myself.

Now to bookend that "boy play" issue, let me say, "girl play" is only slightly more nuanced.  I throw out the toddler as she is an outlier here- she's still up for sweet cuddling, little books and simple baby toys and baby games.  She's still very much a baby in many ways.  But, S is a girl- she's all girl, in fact.  And girl play is another animal.  It largely involves taking orders.  I mean, these girls get every word scripted and every step choreographed.  Really, the worst mistake you can make is to think independently and give your input.  "So, S, maybe I should put the doll here."  That rarely gets met with positive reinforcement.  So, here, just follow orders and nothing should go amiss.

But, in fairness to the boys, they're good sports.  They'll get in on game of dolls- usually as super heroes who moonlight as baby sitters or commandos who rescue the dolls and their normal looking suburban family from attacks staged by organized crime or terrorists. Come to think of it, S is much better at coeducational children's games.  I'm getting the impression I need to do a better job getting this more MOR.